Me, Myself and a Kidney Stone

Thursday, November 3. I had just begun to watch The Fellowship of the Ring when I was overcome with pain along my right side. Nausea set in and I knew this was no normal pain, in fact it was a 15/10 kind of pain. The following few days included two trips to the ER, one night in the hospital and one surgery. The pain was caused by a kidney stone, 3 mm, small enough to pass but so incredibly painful when moving that consistent trips to the ER were inevitable. This was not preferable so they surgically removed the stone. When I write in Italics it makes it super intense, right? I am all better now, but these are the letters that I would have written during that first night of pain.

Dear kidney stone,

Thank you for the fact that I can (and will!) now one-up every person who complains about any pain because “hey, at least it isn’t a kidney stone.”

Dear self,

Remember when there was that split second when you thought you just needed to stretch your side? Ha, I wish that had lasted.

Dear people in the hall,
Yes, I am crying. No, I am not bothered by your staring because I am suffering. I am mildly more concerned about the intense pains in my side right now than you feeling uncomfortable at seeing me sob. So please, stare away but don't take pictures.


Dear everyone in the E.R.,
8 or 9. My pain is at an 8 or 9. I would say a 10, but I feel like I should be dead to say a 10.

Dear E.R. nurse Andrea,

Thank you for understanding that I needed more meds. I ho-hummed when you asked if I wanted more pain meds was because I didn’t want to seem like a drug addict. I thank you for understanding my reluctance to yell for more and taking the initiative and giving me more.

Dear Morphine,

You weren’t even touching my pain.

(That’s Dr. Bodily speak, “Morphine didn’t even touch her pain last night.” Dang straight, Dad!)

Dear Dillaudid,

You are my D.O.C. (drug of choice).  Always and forever.

Dear hospital gown,

Please have more substance because keeping myself covered is the last thing I am thinking about when I am writhing in pain. However, the other people in the room still want me to be clothed.

Dear idiom “Wear clean underwear in case of an accident,”

I never thought you would even matter in my life. But you did cross my mind as I was lying on that ER bed. I thought, "Hey, all those Mothers are right!"

Dear blanket warmer,

Where can I get you and are you reasonably priced? Let’s be honest, it doesn’t matter.

Dear CT Scan,

Thank you for your nice womanly voice guiding me to breathe in and out. And also thanks for making it loud enough to wake me up because I definitely fell asleep multiple times in the 5 minutes I was in there.

Dear man pushing my bed,

Why are you asking me about what I am doing with my life? Remember how I almost passed out at the check-in desk and you had to get me a wheelchair? Then remember how they just pushed intense pain meds into my body through a hole in my arm? Remember those pain meds are making me fall asleep? But yes, I am a senior in psychology, mmhmm, I really like it, mmhmm.

Tomorrow, check back for days 2 and 3 of little letters. I have so much to express!