These are the good things.

from last saturday which was spent on the provo river and eating burnt dutch oven

Smiling and showing all of your teeth.
Every day that the sun still shines.
Falling asleep while reading.
Pumpkin donuts for breakfast.
A haircut (even when it goes very wrong).
One last shave ice.
Changing fall leaves and (distant) snow-tipped mountains.
Observing forty adolescents on a homecoming date.
Biting into an apple.
A scooter ride up the canyon.
Waffles with too many toppings.
Sharing a living room with Legolas, C-3PO and Harry.
Falling to the ground while laughing.
Cheering at a game.
Roommate chats with tears and laughter.

These are the things that make this cold weather worth it for me. I protest and try to ignore the changing weather (being cold is my anti-state, if that is a thing) but I don't think I can imagine eating a pumpkin donut in June. And so, if just for these things, I am unusually glad for this time of year.

Hawaii was good to me.

In August, I took a month off of work (and school) and experienced a few weeks of pure summer. My family went to Oahu for two weeks and relaxed. Well, we relaxed when not taking turns holding the crying Kylee (but we love you anyway KyVi). We ate shave ice, swam with turtles (I am really, really in love with turtles), visited the PCC (but did NOT get tattoos...regrets), and went SUP'ing on the Haliewa river. It was the best kind of two weeks where every morning began with a walk down the beach and every evening ended with the family around the table. 

I miss that Hukilau beach.

 

This picture cracks me up.

 As does this one. And the 12 others like it.

 Her natural state!

"I'm afraid of Commitment." This is false.

  We are attached to one another. And all of my pictures have disappeared and I only have this Zion trip to pull from. And I love this pic.

    I am currently living my dream. I work in a center that devotes its’ practice to repairing attachment. Every client is given an attachment goal, every therapist has the needs cycle memorized and we teach and preach about attachment until the cows come home, or whatever that saying is. Are they coming or going? I know nothing about the habits of cows. But we talk about it all day long.

Attachment is the work that I have chosen to do for the rest of my life and I love it. This is why: relationships run this world. I believe that. No human can live an isolated life, simply because it is impossible. And those who are as isolated as any man can be—whether through choice or circumstance—well, do we really expect these people to be able to fit into a normal life? We can’t and for the most part, we don’t. We expect problems from those that cut themselves off from others. That is when attachment becomes a focus of therapy. People struggle with relationships throughout their lives and sometimes they require a little extra help. And from where I am standing, this struggle with relationships is the best thing about life. Our connections to others are always changing and we are always changing.

If relationships are this important (as I really do believe they are) how can we expect good things out of people if they are unable to connect to others and learn from and be loved by others?

Attachment is what I believe in. And with that belief, it makes it so hard to be in a world where independence and isolation are lauded as our ultimate goals. In this world, an inability to commit is held close to your heart; as if it is the product of 20 years of hard work-when it is really it is the product 20 years of pushing others away. It comes in so many disguises and it has so many catch phrases.

“I’m a commitment-phobe”

“It is so hard for me to settle down”

“I can never make decisions”

“I’ve got so much going on at work I don’t have time for that.”

+ the age-old, “I have trust issues.”

And these excuses, these words can save us because the rest of us have been trained to nod and say, “Yeah, I’ve been there.” And maybe we haven’t, but we’ve seen it on TV and we’ve read about it in books and we’ve listened to a million songs about it. So we nod our heads and accept this excuse for ending a relationship, for ignoring someone else’s pain and for pushing away anyone that gets close.

And then, with those words—those words that should be empathic and encouraging (“I’ve been there” and “You’re right” and “I understand what you mean”) you are really just helping someone to justify avoiding a relationship. We are all hurting each other by accepting these excuses for drifting away from relationships. A relationship that could be good. And yes, you’re right, not every relationship is going to change you and we don’t belong in every relationship. But then again, how often are those catch phrases actually legitimate excuses? Aren’t we largely the product of our interactions with others? And if we are, don’t we want to meet as many people as possible? Every person we meet knows something (and really, a lot of somethings) that we don’t know. People have something to offer us and we should stop being afraid and just let ourselves be affected by others. Because, surprisingly, the majority of people will be there for us and they won't let us down.

So, to wrap up this soap box of mine I want to say that I will not tolerate those excuses from myself or anyone that I love. Because there is no reason for any of us to cling to our trust issues thinking that it will make our lives easier. Be open to relationships with people who are so flawed and imperfect that you don’t think you could ever connect with them. Be open to relationships with people that you think are better than you because there will be something to learn from them. Don’t be afraid to be securely attached to another individual-it’s the best thing that we can do in this life. Because (I have to, I’ve been obsessed for the last 20 years) “To love another person is to see the face of God.” And that, ladies and gents, is why I believe we must connect with others. 

Hipsters who hike together stay together. Hikesters 4 lyfe.

ps. I understand that for so many it isn't just a matter of getting over their trust issues, bad relationships, etc. So, if you need some help overcoming some past relationships that ended badly, go see someone-me, a friend or a professional or me (really, I'm always available). Don't let it become an excuse for further isolating yourself.

a tribute to 30 rock,

and three very attractive ladies.

this is the good stuff, 2013

You know, I’ve been doing this list for a few years now. It really hasn’t changed all that much, but in other ways it really has. So here we go, for 2013.

10 in 2013

become a therapist

age 24, with no stress about what I’ve accomplished thus far

love

hold a newborn baby niece

club 33 at Disneyland

read fifty classic novels

have long hair, all year

stay fit and stay motivated

go skydiving

concentrate on friends and people

9 things I enjoy:

zumba (che chere che chere!)

getting packages in the mail

books that I’ve read a million times, and new books that I know I will read a million times

fully stocked fridge/freezer/pantry

a precisely timed song playing on the radio

getting dressed in the morning

having a reason to stay up late

kind words from another

having a full chest of drawers and closet

8 things I do every day:

read a post in byu msw class of 2014

eat oatmeal and egg whites for breakfast

snuggle into my bed

forget to text someone back

wish that I had an article of clothing I’ve seen on someone else

drive my car

think, “to instagram or not instagram?” “to tweet or not tweet?”

read  a book

7 tv shows I like:

30 rock (I’ll miss you, rural juror)

the middle

parks and recreation

white collar

portlandia

castle

mindy project/new girl (these are the same show in my head, even if they are two different shows)

6 things that will always win my heart:

someone who offers to clear the dishes

sacrificing the little things for someone else’s happiness

a good laugh

excellent style

incredible wit

intellect

5 favorite things:

Movie: les miserables

Song: any from my broadway playlist

Book: bossypants (the book of 2012)

Food: strawberry shortcake ice-cream sandwiches
Season: summer always

4 smells I enjoy:

something baking

my springville home

swimming pools

campfire

3 places I want to go:

portland, to live the dream of the 90’s

harry. potter. world. please?

hukilau house, laie, hawaii

2 favorite holidays:

christmas

my birthday

1 person I'd marry on the spot:

probably no one, but maybe ryan g.

old lists: 2010, 2011

here's to happiness

no school from wednesday to wednesday

snow covering everything (but now it can just go away…)

princess diaries two on abcfamily

the most obscure broadway playlist

figuring out (finally, after three months) that church starts at 8:30, not  8:50

taking tests on my bed and getting muffins from roommates while I do it

bouncing Bilbo the hedgehog on the bed

new boots coming on thursday

finishing a book, this time the forgotten garden

dried raspberry jello apples

“studying” with the e.c. (pictured below) and breaking it down to chris brown

feeling settled into my graduate student life

fotoshoot

roommates, man. this summer I was pretty reluctant to return to a life of singledom in provo but I felt that I was supposed to get my masters of social work at byu. so I began apartment hunting and I had one requirement: my own room. no way was I going to do that "roommate" thing again. until one day I got a call that there was an opening with my long-time roommate/bosom friend/bff audrey. I was sold, obviously. so I once again moved into an apartment with four girls, one of whom I knew and two of whom I didn't.

but these girls, quite entertaining! am I right or am I right? it's pretty clear that we are friends and such. the thing about roommates is that you can never force friendship. sure, you live together and you would hope that you could be friends-but since when was everyone friends with their roommates? but this time, once again, I just ammmm friends with them and even if I don't see them every day we can still talk for hours when we finally wake up on saturday. because we are in college and that is how we do.

so it's good times and they try and scare me and I get scared so...symbiotic relationship!

ps these pictures were taken by the one and only paxton gray, and they are the besttttt. use him for all of your photographic needs, if you have any of those.