Sometimes I judge people. In the scriptures it says something about ‘righteous judgment’ and how we are supposed to do it and yadda but this isn’t righteous judgment. Let’s be honest, it might be (read: definitely is) insensitive and (quite possibly) rude, but sometimes I cannot help myself and I judge. And then I blog about it. I’m a double, maybe triple terrible person, but now that I’ve started I just have to tell you.
It’s these people that eat during class. No I am not talking to you occasional muncher, or you the person that has a meal every class period. Oh wait, I actually am talking to the latter group. HELLO. Today I was in my intro to social work class and a girl sitting a few rows in front of me had a banana and milk on her desk. Do you know what is the problem with this situation? It is this: the fact that it took her 1 hour and 15 minutes to eat that banana. Really girl that was sitting kind of in front of me? 75 minutes to eat a banana!?!
Let’s do an experiment, what is the fastest you can eat a banana? 15 seconds.
And what is the normal human banana eating rate? Approximately 2 minutes.
And for an ant or monkey? For an ant it is a month while a monkey does it in 3-5 minutes.
So according to my expert all knowing evaluation this girl is not a human, she is something that is in-between an ant and a monkey. A hamster maybe? A rat? An aardvark? I bet all of those take 75 minutes to eat a banana.
Now I do acknowledge that maybe she was eating slow because she was self-conscious or something. Nobody wants to just be eating a banana in the middle of class, that’s awkward (so what I'm saying is you probably shouldn't do it...) So considering that it only takes like 2 minutes to eat it you would think she could just eat it a little before class and then be done. I mean eating at her rate she is forced to pinch off a baby section of her banana once every 10 minutes and eat that section and then wait 10 more minutes with sticky fingers.
Conclusion: Don’t be a hamster, just eat your banana before class starts and then I won’t have to watch you pick at your food throughout all of class.
Addendum: As I was walking home from the same class I watched a girl do that thing where you pour the remnants of your chips (Doritos in this case) into your mouth so as to savor the goodness, which was uncomfortable for me because 1) gross, 2) what if she ran into me as she was concentrating on her Doritos and not my location in relations to hers and 3) she licked her fingers after which is, again, gross.
Final Conclusion: All I’m saying is, you can eat your banana in 75 minutes and you can lick your fingers after eating your chips but do not do it in front of me when I am trying to learn about saving people from poverty or when I am walking to my humble abode after learning about saving people from poverty. Is it really so much to ask?
My first day of school snacks that I ate at my house. Packed by another, wonderful (but lesser) Jessica. She also packed a lunch for Stacey to take on the plane to Jeru, hers included Ramen Noodles to be cooked on the plane somehow.
ps I will stop judging people now, I promise.
3 comments:
If i didn't know you/love you, I would hate you for this. You're a terrible person.
1. Never have bangs because Bod judge me.
2. Never eat because Bod will judge me.
I will just waste away over here--bangless.
That said, I like you a lot. VEGASSSSSS.
I also have the "fear of displaying bangs around Bod" fear in my life. I don't know the proper latin term for it, but it is oh so real.
Do I love you? Yes, very much so. I love this.
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